You make the announcement, the glorious news that you are expecting. Such an exciting time for all involved. You post it on Facebook, tell all of your family and friends- everyone is so happy for you. Literally the moment you tell others (or sometimes even before), the advice and the comments start pouring in.
I am NOT a perfect mom. I do NOT know everything. I do have experience in being an educator, working at daycare, and personal experience from having two littles, but still do not know EVERYTHING. When Justin and I became parents, even with my previous experience, I did not know first-hand what to expect while pregnant, birthing a child or actually taking care of a human 24/7. I wanted advice and still do, but it’s just some advice that is just not so helpful and even a bit irritating that I have heard along the way.
I have reached out to a few mommy friends who have helped me to develop a list of not-so-helpful advice or comments that we have had to slap a smile on our faces and be polite when hearing.
“Wow, your huge!”
Okay, the weight comment. Yes, I understand that a pregnant women is growing another human or humans, but no matter what a women is a women and does not want to hear that they look “huge” or “big” or whatever comment that means the same thing.
“Are you sure the baby is okay? You look really small.”
I understand its nice not to gain a ton of weight during pregnancy, but when people comment on how small you are, it makes you feel like your body is not preforming the way it should during pregnancy. Just stop commenting on weight, we are still women and either way, it makes us feel self-conscious.
“Are you having twins?!”
If you know that they are not having twins, just stop there. No need for the weight or size comment. You are implying that they look like a house, just don’t.
“Your life is going to change”
No really?! Obviously when you get pregnant (surprise or not) you realize your life is going to change. No one needs to bring this to anyone’s attention, they already know.
“Your baby is going to get bigger”
Again, really?! I remember being told this a few times and I remember thinking, “Oh I thought they stayed 6 lbs. forever!” I didn’t mind getting the advice for a gage of sizes for clothes during certain months, but come on – babies grow.
“Their hair is going to fall out”
My baby, actually both babies were born with a ton of hair. I can not even add up the amount of times people told us that it was going to fall out. It was almost like they were wishing it would fall out or something. Guess what?! It never fell out for either of our kids!
“Sleep when they sleep”
Blah, blah, blah. This MAY work for the first baby, maybe, but you still have to eat, shower, pick up a little and get things done when the baby is sleeping.
“Are you going to nurse? You really should nurse.”
The research is out and yes, nursing has a TON of benefits, but it is the decision of the mom. I nursed for a year with Emersyn and still nursing at night with Link, it is A LOT of work and super duper tiring. If a mom chooses not to nurse, no matter why, it is their decision and the baby will turn out just fine either way.
“Add cereal to their bottle, they will sleep through the night.”
I have tried it and it really didn’t work for us, but to each their own. I guess try it, but if that is the only advice you have to offer with no real evidence, just don’t hand it out.
“Maybe you should just give them formula.” or “You should stop breastfeeding, it is a hassle.” or “Formula is better for the baby.”
I have been told this, especially with my first little one. I felt like they were uncomfortable with me breastfeeding and believed in formula for whatever reason. If a mom wants to use formula or breastfeed, it is up to them, their choice, please just respect that.
“…that’s the only way to do it.”
There is not ONE way to do anything! We have two kids and they were both entirely different. There is no magical potion that helps them sleep, magical hour that makes them sleep for the entire night – if there was one way to do everything, the hospital would be giving out schedules and a play-by-play when you took your sweet angel home.
“This worked with my baby, so it’ll work, I promise!”
NOPE! Like I said above, there is not just ONE way. Every child is different. Coming from personal experience, my first slept through the night, stopped using bottles and nursing at 1 – literally SO easy. We tried the same exact regimen for our second and it did NOT work, he does not sleep, he is just different. Not one way will work perfect for all kids.
“Your spoiling the baby.”
If you don’t like what they are doing with their baby and have not asked for advice from you, it is your choice to be around them. Again, everyone does it differently.
“Just wait until they get older.”
This comment comes after you tell a cute story about your little one. The other parent says this comment, implying that all of the sudden their child will turn into a hellion and be awful – no joys. There are pluses and minuses to all ages and stages, let parents just love the age their babe is, stop wishing them to be older.
I know, it seems like there is not much you can say, but be sensitive when handing out advice or making comments. We are moms, we need to stick together and stay positive for one another, not pull each other down or make the other feel as though they are not doing it “correctly”. Instead of advice and comments, tell your mom friends what a fantastic job they are doing, we are all in this together. It takes a village, right?
Thanks for stopping by!